Tinsley Mortimer, Olivia Palermo, Fabiola Beracasa and Julia Restoin-Roitfeld are just some of the most important socialites from New York, and of course each of us has always dreamed to be like them! so..

Do you really want to be a socialite? The socialites that we see in the media already have their wealth and status from the day they were born. More than likely you are starting from scratch. To get the know-how, don’t look at Paris Hilton or Ivanka Trump. Watch Mr. Hilton and Mr. Trump and you are on your way to becoming a socialite. Well, it is hard work, but this is for those social climbers out there who want to put an impressionable foot in the door. This guide will help you get into there, the rest is up to you!

Acting as a socialite

Choose a good name. Make sure it sounds extremely WASP-y, uncommon and maybe foreign. Don’t go for already “taken” last names such as Vanderbilt, because people know the Vanderbilts and will eventually figure you out. The caveat to the above is that you must look the part. If you have olive skin, kinky hair and brown eyes, no one is going to buy you as Muffie Sutton. In this case, you are better off settling for something that suggests old Spanish heritage (“Isabella Segavia”).

Become interested in expensive stuff. Know all the big names in everything: fashion, art, crafts, cuisine, sports etc. In the socialites’ world, when someone mentions a name, everybody is expected to know it. Also be able to pronounce all those foreign names properly. You may want to start reading some specialty magazines.

Break the nouveau riche stereotype. “Nouveau riche” is an often derogatory term used to describe the upper class people who don’t come from a wealthy family and achieved their fortune through work, not heritage. You may get looked down upon just for the fact that previous generations in your family were not wealthy. It’s a sad fact of life; however, it can be diminished by not acting like the stereotypical new money fellow. Noveau riche tend to be more extravagant in appearances, but it is understandable, because they automatically link opulence with happiness; but in time, the second, third, and so on generations who grew up with wealth tend not to find it that important.


Travel a lot. There are some travel destinations you may not miss as a socialite- New York (obviously), Paris, London, Milan, Rome, Saint- Tropez, maybe. Take the time to visit all the important places there.

  • This goes for holiday destinations as well. Summer in the Hamptons (many famous people have summer houses there) and winter in Aspen or Sun Valley, these are the regular vacation spots for rich people. Other exotic, expensive destinations go as well- Hawaii, St. Barts, Dubai, Greece, etc.
  • Avoid acting like the stereotypical tourist; many people, especially the locals, find it annoying. Don’t combine a colorful T-shirt and some shorts with white sports shoes, a big backpack, a baseball cap, sunglasses and a huge camera hanging at your neck (the typical tourist outfit). Don’t buy tons of cheap, tacky souvenirs. Don’t travel in large groups- your family or significant other is enough.

Be generous. The number one thing that you must do if you want to be a socialite is this- give. Yes, and you should have a few charities under your belt. The great thing about this part is that it can be whatever you want, whatever amount you want, be it $30 or $20,000. You don’t have to tell people about how much you gave; just tell them about the cause.

Julia Restoin-Roitfeld

Be sophisticated. Refinement is the quality that separates ditsy celebrities from the true elite; lack of sophistication is a crime in the socialite world.

  • Have excellent manners. Tend to slouch?, put your elbows on the table while eating?, yawn without covering your mouth? Such signs of lack of good breeding are unacceptable among the socialites. Your manners must be perfect.
  • Be cultured. Read a lot, visit museums and art galleries, go to the theatre, meet artists and poets. Also keep in mind that it is unacceptable for a socialite not to know anything related to common knowledge. Re-familiarize yourself with basic history, science, geography and art.
    • Speak properly. No slang whatsoever; cursing is also unacceptable. Use The Queen’s English. Occasionally drop in some French words (like calling somebody “cheri” instead of “darling”). Use formal rather than informal language, both in speaking and in writing.
  • Be confident. As glamorous as it may seem, the socialites’ world is very gossipy and mean; and you’ll need loads of confidence to make it through it all. If you don’t consider yourself worthy enough to be among them, they won’t either. Not to mention you often need witty comebacks when someone says something mean to you; and a person without confidence can’t quickly say something witty back to them.
  • Be classy and discrete. Avoid doing things that draw negative attention to you, such as being very loud, getting drunk at parties, flirting with everyone that crosses your path, or cursing.
  • Be fashionable. It is crucial that you have a sense of style and wear stylish, tailored clothes- and brand names make a huge difference. Everything you wear in public should be designer. Adopt a classy, timeless style; something that now looks just as good as it looked in the ’50s, and just as good as it will look over 50 years from now. For ladies, get inspired by Jackie O., Charlotte from Sex and the City and Audrey Hepburn. For gentlemen, a tailored suit will always do it. Also, you should have a signature look that distinguishes you from other people- a fetish for a certain color, a nice haircut, whatever.

tinsley mortimer


Socialize. After all, that’s what being a socialite is all about.

  • Make friendswherever you go. Whether you’re at the local supermarket or at a posh event, you meet a lot of new people every day. Be friendly, appear interested in the person you’re talking to, exchange phone numbers. But don’t worry too much about establishing a genuine, lasting friendship with all those people. Keep your circle of close friends small, but establish superficial relationships with as many people as you can- you never know when you might need them. Remember, it’s all about building a well-rounded social network; many of the “friendships” you’ll establish will be for the sole purpose of gaining some advantages.
    • Better yet, befriend the right people. A little chit-chat with the local it-girl can go a long way. Having a few socialite friends will come in very handy; after all, the simplest definition of being a socialite is hanging out with other socialites.
  • Learn about event planning, and cultivate your taste in things like flowers, appetizers, music, etc. As a socialite, you’ll be expected to throw some big, stylish events and parties. When you finally get your big break and your committee asks you to help plan some gala, this will come in handy. Reading Vogue (particularly the articles chronicling events thrown by real socialites) should help you develop this intuition. Of course, there will be a lot of people to help you plan an event, like your PR assistant, secretary and so on, but you must know how to organize them all. Get some phone numbers of service providers like caterers, decorators, DJs etc.; they’re extremely useful.
  • Have the magical C word- charisma. Don’t be a bore. It’s pretty easy- just act like you’re having a great time. Smile a lot, have interesting conversations with other people at parties, be lively and energetic. As you spend more time around socialites, you will learn a few tricks about charming your audience.
  • Be photographed next to VIPs. Photos of important people always appear in newspapers and magazines the day after an event- and you may have the chance to hit Page Six if there’s someone famous next to you. But don’t make it too obvious- like rushing by the closest socialite as soon as photographers enter your line of sight- that’s just pathetic.
  • Seek real friendship with some people. You will still need someone to be there for you when you fail- someone who would not alienate you from the very moment you show them your less perfect sides.



Now it’s just up to you,it’s time to become a socialite!!

Hope you like it!






Julia Restoin-Roitfeld

Julia Restoin-Roitfeld

4 pensieri su “LET’S SHINE: BE A SOCIALITE!!

  1. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I don’t know who you are but certainly you’re going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!


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